William Shakespeare famously posed the question, “What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet;” well, if you named your horse ‘Hoof Hearted' (say it fast) it obviously doesn't smell too sweet!
Hoof Hearted is just one example of funny, strange, and downright offensive horse names I've found over the years. Below you can view a few more…
Wear The Fox Hat
This name is another example of a playful trick designed to confuse and amuse race announcers and spectators alike. When said quickly, it sounds like a cheeky phrase that can easily be misinterpreted.
The clever wordplay has made “Wear The Fox Hat” a memorable and humorous name in the horse racing community. It's a perfect example of how owners inject a bit of fun and mischief into the sport.
Go Dick Go
A quarter horse who won the 1966 American Futurity. The stud has gone on to have many great-grandchildren, but his name continues to be a source of amusement.
My Wife Knows Everything vs My Wife Knows Nothing
Few names have captured the imagination and laughter of fans quite like “My Wife Knows Everything” and “My Wife Knows Nothing.” These two horses provided one of the most entertaining and memorable moments in racing history when they competed against each other in the same race.
Deweycheatumnhowe
The made-up law firm (Dewey, Cheatem & Howe) became the inspiration for the name of a champion standardbred race horse. The successful horse won 22 out of his 25 lifetime races.
Fuchu
Fuchu, the son of All Too Hard, became notable when he won at Kensington racecourse in Sydney in May 2019.
No Fat Chicks
There is not really a lot that can be added to this one! A phrase which was famously used by Family Guy’s Peter Griffin, this name was met with a lot of disapproval. Fortunately, the horse did not make much of himself.
Gay Crusader
This horse was the victor of the English Triple Crown in 1917. The words likely had different connotations then compared to today.
Flat Fleet Feet
Owner Tom Durkin has named many horses during his 25 years in the racing business. This horse must have been a problem in many races. The name is a bit of a tongue-twister, with Durkin himself accidentally calling him “Flat Fleet Fleet”.
Date More Minors
This horse was about in 2001 and almost made it into the Derby. However, he luckily lost the Tampa Bay Derby, limiting exposure to a horse which blatantly encourages a crime!
Comply or Die
One of the most successful racehorses in recent memory around the Aintree fences, you can’t beat a name containing an ultimatum. Comply or Die finished second in the 2009 Grand National and was a winner in 2008.
Ohnoitsmymotherinlaw
This one tops the lot. Think of the comedy factor when the announcer is made to read that name out loud!
Additional Funny Horse Names
Here are a few more real-world funny horse names that have made people laugh over the years:
ARRRRR
Named to mimic the sound a pirate might make, this horse's name certainly stands out in the crowd.
Bodacious Tatas
This name pushes the boundaries of appropriateness.
Sofa Can Fast
Another name that is funnier when said quickly, it sounds like “sofa king fast.”
Chit Hot
“Chit Hot” is another clever name designed to amuse and potentially confuse race announcers. The wordplay here is subtle yet effective
Norfolk Enchants
The brilliantly named “Norfolk Enchants” is a masterclass in wordplay. When pronounced quickly, it sounds like a horse with no chance of winning.
Pony Soprano
A witty reference to the main character in the TV show “The Sopranos,” this name combines humour and pop culture.
Banned Names
Some horse names never got the chance to be heard at the racetrack due to their provocative or inappropriate nature. Here are a few that were banned:
- OliBeefHooked
- Willie Be Hardigan
- Jack Schitt
- Arfur Foulkesaycke
- Ben Derhover
- Betty Swallocks
These banned names show the extent of creativity and humour that horse owners bring to naming their horses. While some names push the boundaries too far, they all contribute to the colorful and entertaining world of horse racing.
